just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
