She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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