I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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