Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
