ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
