I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
