I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
