Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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