i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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