Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
