He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
