Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
