I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
