My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
