Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
