I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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