Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
