But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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