I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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