is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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