And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
