That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
