Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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