sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
