did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
