gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
