Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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