I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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