Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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