So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
