I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
