I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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