I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
