Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im holly from the hills drunk
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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