I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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