Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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