i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
