so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
