Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
