Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
