How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
