Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
