areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
