I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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