We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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