i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
