dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
