fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Michael Bay diarrhea
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
