im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
