Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
