if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
