My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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