There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
