I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
