you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
