During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
