oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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