drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
