You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
