the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
