I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
