My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
